CHRISTMAS CAROLS AND GIRAFFE POO

Hello everyone

Spring is almost behind us so a quick photo and a big Arr!!  Forget the Big 5 this lot are the cutest

Spring has sprung - Very proud mum

Sorry I  can't resist. More extreme cuteness

"Mum - when I grow up I want a horn just like yours"

Well here we are again and back by popular demand. Okay a small exaggeration.  One person liked the blog and actually wants some pictures of us. So for those of you with a nervous disposition look away now. These are for you Apeksha at Accounting for International Development (a fine institution)

The old folk celebrate Christmas early - Turkey and Tinsel (ask my mum and she will explain!!!)

The very happy winner of the Xmas raffle 

Please don't laugh. Yes I know it is still 7 weeks to Christmas so how were we supposed to know when invited to a concert of the KZN Youth Choir that it would be a Christmas concert and be performed in a Church hall!!! We haven't sung Carols since we were in Primary school but there's nothing like a good old singalong to get everyone going. It really was a lovely evening and of course the icing on the cake (yes there was Christmas cake too) was us winning the first prize in the raffle - a Xmas hamper stuffed with goodies. And there was I telling someone that we always get the last prize ie the one you want to donate back immediately at the next function you attend. Not this time - tee hee!!

I'll leave the giraffe poo to the end but I suppose you could skip the rest of my ravings and go straight there if you want. It may save a minute or so of your life. Dear reader tis your choice.

A quick weather update. Somebody forgot to tell us that there is a rainy season which lasts 9 months. Basically, with a few exceptions, each day the temperature soars into the 30s followed by scary thunder and lightning and then heavy rain. Apparently it gets incredibly muggy in Jan/Feb and you sit in the office with a pond on your head. Can't wait.

Anyway if you are still with me I should briefly mention our local monkeys. As I walked out of our little cottage last week I was met by a monkey coming out of the house with a sliced loaf of bread. Yes they are extremely clever but NO he hadn't sliced it himself but he had carefully lifted the top off the china bread bin and placed it on the side before making off with his ill gotten gains. He proceeded to climb on the verandah roof and was joined by the rest of the troop whilst I watched on. I took some film and photos as they tucked in and then popped inside. As I walked out again they had gone and from behind me the empty plastic bag drifted over my head with crumbs falling from it. A surreal moment as the monkeys gave their equivalent of two fingers stuck up.

It's okay you just sit and enjoy it.  I'll just get you some butter and jam too or would sir prefer marmalade!!!

Life continues to be interesting (4 months nearly.Wow) and I am still amazingly happily ensconced in my office merrily playing with my two computers (one has the accounting software. We can't afford multi user. 'Ah shame' I hear you say) and of course reading the latest edition of  'Bookkeeping for Dummies'. The CEO actually thinks I know what I'm doing. If you are reading this Marcus. 'Fooled ya!!!!'

BORING ALERT. For those of you with an accounting bent can I just say that in South Africa there are no rules for the layout of Charity Accounts, you can claim back VAT on nearly everything, you can claim back VAT for years before you register (true) and the South African Revenue Service ( SARS as we fondly call them) are actually quite efficient . The same cannot be said for Standard Bank who continue to amaze me with their labyrinthine rules and awful administration. This blog was so nearly called 'Please stay on the line your call is important to us'. 90 minutes the current record.

Sorry. Bet that made you leap to the end. If there is anyone left reading then Manda is also working hard, definitely harder then me, as she has to commute 2-3 times a week to The Health Academy where she is deeply involved  in the set up of the new Monitoring and Evaluation database ( for those of you from the BBBC the words -'like a pig in s**t' might spring to mind). She is also as mentioned previously doing the FIFA /Sony project and the kids are now using the cameras in their own neighbourhoods and recording their  lives.

After 5 days of work we do feel the need for a bit of R and R at weekends. How many times do I have to tell you to stop laughing. 8-4 and lunch at the desk. Proper W.O.R.K

I'll carry on regardless.Durban certainly isn't London so you have to dig for gems. Recently we became flag waving British patriots for the night as the Durban British Society had its own Last Night of the Proms. They played all the favourites and of course culminating in Land of Hope and Glory with me wildly waving my England/Leyton Orient flag as Manda desperately tried to disassociate herself with the lunatic on her left.

Believe it or not we haven't been for a day at the beach yet. I know a few of you would kill for the golden sands and warm Indian Ocean especially at this time of year. I'm sure we will do it at some point

It is outside Durban where we get most of our kicks. We counted up and have been to about 10 different game and nature reserves ranging from a small nature reserve in walking distance to full blown 'Big 5' reserves. That doesn't include the monthly bird walk round the DCC golf courses at 6.00 in the morning.

A Turaco -  designed by a colour blind committee

A Red Bishop -  Wonderful colour - 6.30 am - Wakes you up seeing that!!

You can never get bored especially having recently been extremely close in a Jeep to a Lioness and daughter  and then standing about 60 feet from a male Lion. When he stood up and turned and looked at us I was pleased that the pelvic floor exercises I had to do post op a few years ago seemed to have done a job. Thankfully he loped off for  bit of peace and quiet.

Lion disturbed. We are standing a bit too close for comfort

Huge sigh  of relief. He decides to go

In a Jeep about 10 feet away. I offered my nail clippers but she declined

 We also had a scary moment when a lone male elephant decided we were inside his comfort zone and charged us several times. Luckily the guide can drive in reverse faster than I drive forward. Mr O'Shea and Mr Berry go to the back of the class for sniggering. Oh, and more accurately than I drive a golf cart. Anyone can mistake the accelerator for the brake. That is why they put a wooden sign there. To stop you

I have a very shaky piece of film of the elephant chasing us which I will spare you. I was more concerned with hanging on for dear life

So then the finale and our moment/s of madness (as if this whole year isn't a bit off the wall).

We went to a great game reserve called Thula Thula. Please please read 'The Elephant Whisperer' by Laurence Anthony who was the owner but who tragically died about 2 years ago. A fascinating story and his other books are excellent too.

You have the option of doing a walk in the bush, not necessarily for the faint hearted but they do walk away from where the Elephants are and there are no Big Cats. But I digress. Having seen lots of birds and plants and the really fascinating Dung beetles.(I could watch them all day as they pat their balls of dung into shape and then roll them to a burial spot) we headed towards a 'tower' of Giraffes.

Forget Pooh sticks. 2 Dung beetles racing is much more fun

The guide stopped and drew two lines in the sand about 10 feet apart. He then bent down picked up a pellet of Giraffe poo, popped it in his mouth rolled it around a bit and spat it over the second line. Amazingly and I am still wondering what we were doing we all followed suit. Manda got further with her spit than I did. She still goes on about the time she beat me at Crazy Golf about 30 years ago but I was spared the celebrations and taunting this time. The guide explained it was safe because Giraffes are herbivores. We are still alive and feeling fine for the moment

Dessert was a termite on the tongue, apparently mint flavoured. Manda had a go at this but I was full so declined. Manda and I will be auditioning for 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' as soon as we get home.

Would you do the Giraffe poo challenge?

We would love to hear from you by e-mail, Skype, Facebook or you can comment on this blog

We promise to focus a bit more on the work of the Charity and life in the township next time

Very best regards to all

Spencer and Manda - your Southern Africa correspondents

 PS I cannot believe I haven't mentioned the Orient. I have a permanent grin on my face. Even Manda is impressed so they must be good.

Amazulu v Bloemfontein Celtic at the wonderful  World Cup stadium in Durban. The 'crowd' is on the left if you look carefully. West Ham you can have the Olympic stadium with pleasure. Mr Hearn save your money.

MONKEY BUSINESS AND OTHER ANTICS!!!!

Oh no!! we started with such good intentions and here we are with 7 weeks gone and only our 3rd post. Of course we are working so hard that there is little time for anything else (which of course you would expect ) Okay just a small white lie but we do work 5 days a week 8-4 and sometimes have an hour each way commute.

Okay so here we go. Firstly a warm hello to our friends across the world.(I say this with confidence because you can see from where in the world people have looked at the blog and so far it's about 12 countries). We hope you are all well and Shana Tovah and well over the fast to those who will be.

 The only exception to my greeting is the Chinese person who tried unsuccessfully to hack my Gmail Account. He or she must indeed lead a dull life. And if anyone wants to earn money from a lady in Jordan or some soldiers in Afghanistan who want help with exporting funds I would be happy to pass on your details!!!

 It has been a while since we touched down in Durban and we are both getting into the groove and I know this will be a shock to you all but I (Spencer) am quite enjoying working. There is much for us both to do. 180 kids playing in Mixed teams playing a World Cup football tournament last Friday meant a busy end to the week. France won and as ever England lost on penalties (I kid you not!!).

But enough of work for this edition of the blog. We thought you might be interested in our life away from work.If not look away now. As mentioned in the last blog for those interested in my work please go to the SARS (South African Revenue Service) website for a thrilling insight into SA VAT and PAYE and I can highly recommend a 4 hour seminar on VAT I attended

As with the Americans it appears that we are sometimes separated by a common language so here are a few fundamental SA terms:

In the supermarket -"Do you want packet?" - Translation - Would you like bags or do you have your own?

Giving directions - "Turn left at the robot" - Translation -Turn left at the traffic lights and try to avoid the trees in the middle of the road that for some strange reason they forgot to remove when building the road.

Feeling under the weather - "I have Bronchitis" - Translation - Men = I have Manflu and am close to death, Ladies = I have a small but rather irritating tickle in my throat.

Eating - "Yebo we should have an Avo starter before the Braai" - Translation - Yes it would be nice to have an Avocado starter before burning the meat to a cinder on the barbeque.

If handbrake is dodgy then use tree in road to stop car

So for those of you who we haven't done a skype show n tell of our living accommodation here goes. We are the proud residents of a one bed, one bath cottage. Yes had to mention it again. WE HAVE  A BATH. Next door in the main house are the other volunteers. England, Germany, USA, Denmark and China have all been represented recently and of course there's Tabasco the cat as well as 2 kitchen geckos.

Thrilling video of the view over Durban from our home

We share the use of an elderly Fiat with the others and this works well, as walking in Durban is like trying to walk around a giant roller coaster. Apparently Hillary and Tenzing practised here before climbing Everest.

We are used to the local foxes at home but here we are woken every couple of weeks by the local troop of monkeys on their circuit of the neighbourhood clambering across the roof and then playing in the garden. A time to close windows or the house can be wrecked as they search for food.

Monkey business in the garden - 7.30am

The birdlife is very different too. The botanical gardens are a short walk away steeply downhill and a rope climb back up. The weavers building their nests are fascinating, no really they are. Stop laughing at the back.

Danger - Weaver at work - Beware of falling grass

 Once a month the local golf course (one of the top courses in SA by chance) has a bird walk round the course. iIf you can avoid the little white balls whizzing around at 6.30 in the morning it is a great experience which is more than can be said for my experience so far in getting up at 5.30 to play with one of the little white balls. I am not an early morning person as most of you will know. In fact as Jon Stoll once said  to me, I am at my peak between 11.30 and 12.30 and that is it. How right you are Jon.

Closest I'll get to a birdie and Manda gets to a golf course (It's a bee eater by the way)

The weather has been great until this week. 2 days of rain in 7 weeks and non stop sunshine in  the 70s ( and for you youngsters I mean about 20-22 in the new fangled Centigrade). Not bad for winter but Spring has sprung and it feels like Autumn grey and miserable. Weird. Apparently in a month's time it will start to get very hot and humid and the local cockroaches and mosquitos will be out in force. Can't wait. At least Gordon our resident gecko will be in his element

Is there anything we miss about not being in London apart from of course family and friends? We miss being able to go out with friends especially as there are some really nice restaurants and cafes here. I miss the entertainment in London, and yes I can safely say at this point  included in the word entertainment is watching the Orient. Bafana Bafana v Botswana just isn't quite the same although the atmosphere is great despite the Vuvuzuelas.  Trying to find plays here is difficult but we have been to the theatre once so far and it was  a good evening. Manda ( the clothes horse) says she misses the range of shops ( er I don't think she means clothes shops). No amateur dramatics groups so far but we may get some cheap bikes if we can work out a route that has a downhill followed by a downhill (copyright M. Harris 2007)

But really this an outdoor place and we have been up the coast to two game reserves, one inland and one on the coast. At one point you can see whales breaching in the ocean and looking the other way hippos in the lake. We also go to bird watching sites and Manda has been able to indulge in her photography to her hearts content. You can join Dropbox if you want to see more pics. E-mail Manda for details.

Sad to say but as the food shopper and cook in the family one of the most exciting places in Durban is the local Spar. "What!!" I hear you say, have they finally lost their marbles completely. Probably is the answer,but this Spar has 6 ladies beavering away in a large kitchen producing all sorts of dishes from filled rolls to curries to a fantastic array of cakes (sorry Nurse Debby if you are reading this!!) . The mince curry and apple crumble being two particular favourites.

On that bombshell ( Copyright J Clarkson) it's time to go.

As ever we are Skypeable for those of you missing our sultry tones and faded looks

Till the next time

Love to all

Spencer and Manda

PS YOU REALLY CAN'T TRUST THE MONKEYS TO KEEP TO TIME. As I was finishing off this blog at about 4.30 in the afternoon I thought someone was behind me. Looking back over the sofa I saw a monkey in the house heading for the fruit bowl. Not sure who was more surprised. I chased her out (she had baby in tow outside). She then decided to try and get in through the bedroom window so I ran back in and chased her out again. Marcus our CEO who was watching from the main house thought it hilarious. Wish I'd had my camera handy.

DIVORCE IN PROGRESS - CHARLIZE THERON THE NEW LOVE OF MY LIFE!!

Only joking Manda

Well it looks as though I'm going to have to work backwards to explain all. We finished our first week with Manda as official photographer for the day and me helping out at a mixed Gender football tournament where Oscar winning Hollywood actress and native South African Charlize Theron spent 4 hours visiting the charity to see it at work as she donates through her charitable foundation. See pics below being just 2 of the 3-400 Manda took and NOT ONE of me with the lovely Charlize.

Kids in action

 Charlize and the kids

Well we are well and truly into work and the South African way of life. If anyone tells you the word manana is Spanish don't believe them. Nothing happens on time here except of course us arriving spot on time tired but happy at Durban Airport last Thursday. The phrases used when you want to throw up your hands and scream are TIA- This Is Africa and my favourite 'You've got the watches and we've got the time'

q

 Our accommodation is extremely pleasant. Skype guided tours can be arranged. We are in a suburb of Durban and contrary to expectations can walk around freely both day and night. Yes we have electric fencing and bars on the windows and doors but it seems everybody does wherever they live. We have a small cottage attached to the main house  (pics next time) where there are 5 other volunteers all of whom are really lovely (and young enough to be our kids). We also have a lady who washes and cleans. Her name is Angel and she is truly heaven sent. As an example Manda saw a sparkling clean backpack hanging up in the house and commented that someone had the same one as me. Of course it was mine cleaned after who knows how many years of filth being embedded from rides through the forest.I try to keep moving in the day or I  am sure I will end up in the washing machine. Yes my friends before you ask I am the happiest man in the world. No not a hug or kiss from Charlize. I HAVE A BATH!!!!

Currently the office is a 5 minute walk steeply downhill (10 minutes up) but it is an hour drive to the Health Academy in the township of Edendale. We have visited the township several times to see the work being carried out and the office will be moving to the township when a brand new building funded by FIFA with an artificial grass pitch is hopefully completed in a few months time. Then it will be a long day leaving home before 7.00 and getting back at 6.00. Just winding you all up. I know that you all work long hours (not you of course Jack) and that for Manda it will be like part time working but please remember that for poor old me I had forgotten what a 5 day working week is. No tears please.

You may now breath a sigh of relief as I skip details of my thrilling work as the accountant and instead focus on the work of the charity. We were thrown straight into action on our first Saturday. Overtime straight away and TOIL. Impressed?

We ie the charity were asked to set up a gazebo at a local football tournament so that players and spectators could be counselled and tested for HIV/AIDS and TB. The setting was amazing and Manda started to learn to be a sports photographer and I am sure she watched her first ever football matches. The most comical moment apart from me being linesman and a cow stopping play was the moment when a game couldn't start because the lady who owned the whistle wanted it for the netball competition and so took it. Luckily another whistle was obtained. The final went to penalties and England lost as usual. Sorry wrong competition.

Cow stops play!!!!!

Could goal line technology deal with this? 

A great setting

Your intrepid correspondent as linesman complete with branch and plastic bag provided as flag

Despite it being a fun day the important thing for us was that 21 people were tested and thankfully although the majority were fine sadly 2 were found to be HIV positive. This is the harsh reality of what the charity does.

I'll leave you on that note.

Missing you all but hoping that some of you can get to see us here and if not then Skype us at Orientspencer or Mandaandolly or e-mail notspencersimmons@gmail.com or mandasimmons@hotmail.com

Love to all

Spencer and Manda

TWO WEEKS TO GO

Hi all

Due to huge demand ( well at least one person suggested it) here is my first blog entry

Hard to believe it but just 2 weeks to go before we fly off to Durban and I try to get to grips with South African PAYE and VAT . How exciting is that!! Oh and Manda has to spend a year trying to look interested in football. Tee hee!!!

My list of things to do is getting smaller and I am worryingly up to date with admin matters such as tax returns. Most of you would not recognise me as Mr Efficiency even though I have been married to Mrs Efficiency for 30 years.

Whilst Manda keeps on working to the bitter end I'm the admin husband slaving over a hot computer. The biggest problem has been getting the visa and hopefully that saga ends on 16 July when I go for my 3rd visit to the South African consulate so that the lady behind the glass screen can sneer at me and treat me again (as she does everyone )  as if I am a complete imbecile. Welcome to South Africa? I think not.

For those I haven't amazed already then how is this for a coincidence. We have a chimney sweep who comes once a year to sweep our one working chimney. I got him about 3 years ago at random from Yellow Pages. He is here for about 20 minutes and I have a brief chat usually. This time I said we would be away so his next visit would be after a bit more than a year and explained why.
 "I've got a friend who I grew up with in Bristol who runs a charity there. What's the name of the charity?"  "Whizzkids United" said I.
 "Old Marcus!!" in distinctly West Country accent said he.
 It turns out that he grew up with the founder of the charity and is still in touch. Can somebody please tell me the odds of that. Must be a many millions to one chance

If you would like to see details of the charity we will be working for then go to the Whizzkids United / Africaid website

So as not to bore everybody silly I will try to update this blog every 2-4 weeks and hopefully (assuming I can master the art of uploading) put some of Manda's photos on as well.